So much has happened lately - my big sister got married again, to a guy called Shaz. She seemed so happy, I was pleased to see. As well as that, I've finally got my kitten, a beautiful silver tabby called Bran (welsh for Raven, which oddly suits him). I also have two new decks, the Shadowscapes Tarot and the Renaissance Tarot by Helen Jones. I really like both the decks, though they'll be hard to read with at times I think, with how I've been lately...
In the meantime, Mike has decided that if he is able to get a 2:1 at uni, he wants to go down the University Lecturer route, so we've been looking at various places for him to do that. He needs to get an average of 75% in each module, which will be tough, but I believe in him. And then we can move back in together, which I can't wait to do, to be honest. I've been really missing him, and I'm happy when I'm around him, and I've not been happy for some time. :( I've tried to ignore my unhappiness, but it's just getting worse and worse, and I can't ignore it anymore. I have no idea what to do about it though. :(
I just want to feel like me again, to be honest, I miss that person. :(
WOOO HOOOOOOOO! I cannot express just how relieved I am to finally have the internet back. I've missed it so damned MUCH! Things haven't been great, the DWP is screwing me over big time with regards to benefits. I pass out in public, I have pains in my hands that mean that I can't lift things, and would drop things if I was holding them, I can't walk more than three minutes, and that's slowly. And yet I'm not a danger to myself or others. What horse sh*t!
On top of that, I have deteriorated health wise. However, I keep on, no sense in giving up, life doesn't work like that. :) So I keep on, keep doing what I need to, hoping that I don't collapse at any point.
Mike's being amazing as ever, he is truly wonderful, and I don't know what I'd do without him at times. He's trying to sort out taking me to Devon so that I can see my big brother and his partner and their kids, I haven't actually seen them in years, and I've missed them so much. Now I just have to wait for that brother of mine to phone back with information about b&bs for us to stay in... That always seems to be his problem, he doesn't EVER phone back, the git. :P
In the meantime, I still love this house, and I'm taking over the conservatory so that I can have a crafts area that isn't too hard to get too (I can't get up to the top room, too many stairs). So I'm going to transform the conservatory into a crafts room, as well as the kitten's training room (I'm getting a kitten soon, and it's the only room where she can be shut in while she's being housetrained.
I am apprehensive about how my housemate will deal with it though, as it's been very much her house, rather than our house, she's using TWO rooms as her bedroom, and pretty much all the decorations have been done by her. I feel like I have my bedroom, and that's it. It's why it's so important to me to have the room available so that I don't feel like I have to hide away upstairs. If I hadn't been feeling like this, I'd not be going ahead with this decision. However, I still am a bit nervous about it.
So I used my Llewellyn Tarot, and pulled five cards, no positions
Five of Wands, V - The Hierophant, XVIII - The Moon, Two of Pentacles and King of Pentacles
The Five of Wands says to me that she's not COMPLETELY OK with the idea of the conservatory being "my" room, even though I've said that it's a sharing room, but that I'll be doing my artwork down there. However, the Hierophant suggests that she will go along with it to be fair to me, as she knows that she has got more space to do things in than I do.
The Moon tells me that she might hide how she's feeling from me, to make things easier, but occasionally the five of wands thoughts will be more visible than she realises.
Then you have the Two of Pentacles and King of Pentacles. The Two of pentacles says to me that she will eventually be able to weigh up the pros and cons rationally, and see that the room isn't for ME on my own, but for the both of us to make the most of, as at the moment, it's a dumping ground for all our broken TVs and things that we don't want. The King of Pentacles says to me that she will be be happy with the new practical use for the conservatory, and will get as much use out of it as I will.
OK, so I haven't spoken to my parents since Christmas Day, and believe me I am SO happy about that. They were abusive, hypocritical and quite frankly, evil. The downside was not being able to talk to my oldest brother, as they own his house. However, he phoned me a couple days ago, to see how I was, and basically explain that he's at the same point that I am, doesn't want to know them. My nephew and neice won't go there unless my brother is with them ALL the time, it's terrible, I just don't understand why anybody would be like that.
In the meantime, my ME isn't exactly any better, but I still got denied DLA, so that's being appealed, and hopefully I'll get it as a result. The past few days haven't been great, I've been seeing two sets of stairs at times, and two cats (we only have one cat ffs! :P). And bills have been confusing us, so it's been getting to me. We'll get there though. On the plus side, water is sorted out, we have somebody looking at the gas and electric for us, and food won't be a problem. Next time to sort out housing benefits, as Hannah is paying the rent for now. :(
Mike in the meantime, once his loan comes in, is going to pay for our internet, the wonderful man. I'm stealing the church internet for now, which has me worried, Mike reckons I'll spontaneously combust if I spend time here. Yes, he's a git at times. I love him though.
The downside of using church internet is that I don't get to do readings, and I've also been so damned stressed out about everything that I haven't done readings much lately. :(
I've moved away from York, and in with my best friend in Liverpool. It's been tough, as I really miss my fella, but it's the right thing to do. It means that he gets on with his uni work, rather than looking after me, and I'm not looking over my shoulder for Ave. I literally wasn't able to relax, and moving away has helped SO much.
I haven't explained about her before, she's the person who triggered my ME. I trusted her, and she assaulted me. I went to our boss, rather than the police, and I've regretted it ever since, I wish I had gone to the police now. I'm house bound and can't work anymore. It might sound vindictive, but she's got off scot free, and I just hope karma catches up to her. Enough about her though, waste of space she is.
I've been thinking a LOT about things, and the people I know. The upside of getting ME is that I finally know who REALLY care about me. My parents do not count among them, I phoned them on Christmas Day, and after less than 30 seconds they said goodbye and hung up. So sod them. Then I have some friends from uni who don't bother talking to me anymore, and others who have been amazing, and I'm so grateful to them. Some more than others, it has to be said, like Will and Ellie, and they've been amazing. And I'm happy, truly happy. :)
My sister, in the meantime, is getting married (to a different person than who I talked about a while ago), in May, which I'm pleased about. I think they'll be happy. :) Which brings me to my oldest brother. I wish I knew what to do about him, he and I used to be so close, but our parents own his house, so his hands are kinda tied. I miss him though. :( I hope he is OK...
Tarot now: I've got a new deck - The Mystic Dreamer, that I'm quite happy with, it's got some interesting cards, I'm not completely sure about all the images, but the cards have proved to be quite insightful. :)
